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What does the Big Book say about tolerance?

In short:

  • Tolerance in the Big Book is almost always about people: those who wronged us, our families, each other, drinkers, and people whose opinions or religion differ from ours. It's best known from "Love and tolerance of others is our code." (p. 84), the close of the Step Ten paragraph.
  • The book ties it to seeing others as sick. In the resentment inventory, members asked God to help them show people who hurt them "the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend." (p. 67), and finishing the inventory, "We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies" (p. 70).
  • The book counts intolerance as a real danger. It admits "We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves." (p. 50), warns that a spirit of intolerance toward drinking "might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved" (p. 103), and tells a wife that "The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband's chance of recovery." (p. 120).
  • Where the writers seek it for themselves, they ask God for it (pp. 67, 83); at the end of the inventory they say they "have begun to learn" it (p. 70). And on the same page as the family amends, the book says being considerate and humble doesn't mean crawling: "As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone." (p. 83).

Every use, in order

The book uses "tolerance," "tolerant," "intolerance" or "intolerant" on pp. 19, 50, 67, 70, 83, 84, 103, 118, 120, 122, 125, 127, 135, 138 and 160 of the main text, and on p. 568 in Appendix II. Read in order:

Other people's views (p. 19). Introducing the book, the writers know medical, psychiatric and religious matters are controversial and hope to avoid contention: "Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others." (pp. 19–20)

Religious people (p. 50). Chapter 4 confesses how the agnostics among them used to judge believers by their defects: "We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves." (p. 50) They "missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of its trees." (p. 50)

People who wronged us (pp. 67, 70). In the resentment inventory, the writers realized the people who hurt them "were perhaps spiritually sick" (p. 66) and asked God to help them show those people tolerance, pity and patience (p. 67). "We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one." (p. 67). At the end of the inventory: tolerance, patience and good will "even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people." (p. 70). See: Does the Big Book really say to pray for people you resent ("This is a sick man")?

The family, in the amends (p. 83). The recovering man cleans house with the family, "asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love." (p. 83)

The code (p. 84). After the Step Ten instructions (watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear, ask God to remove them, talk them over, make amends, turn to someone we can help): "Love and tolerance of others is our code." (p. 84). The book's next sentence is "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol." (p. 84). See: Where is "love and tolerance of others is our code"?

Drinking and drinkers (p. 103). At the end of Chapter 7: "We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution." (p. 103). Every newcomer looks for this and "is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witchburners." (p. 103). The book doesn't argue about whether members keep liquor at home; "each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves." (pp. 102–103)

A wife toward her husband (pp. 118, 120). "Patience, tolerance, understanding and love are the watchwords." (p. 118), and "Live and let live is the rule." (p. 118). Later: "The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband's chance of recovery." (p. 120), because he may take her dislike of his friends as an excuse to drink (p. 120).

The whole family (pp. 122, 127). Chapter 9 opens: "All members of the family should meet upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding and love." (p. 122), and says at once that this "involves a process of deflation" (p. 122) because each one wants his wishes respected. The father's crankiness and depression "will disappear when there is tolerance, love, and spiritual understanding." (p. 127)

Talk about each other (p. 125). In A.A. everyone knows the others' troubles, and "we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance." (p. 125)

A wife's intolerance of coffee and cigarettes (p. 135). A member's wife nagged him about smoking and coffee, "and her intolerance finally threw him into a fit of anger. He got drunk." (p. 135). The book doesn't excuse him: "Of course our friend was wrong—dead wrong." (p. 135). It also says she saw she was wrong to make a burning issue of it (p. 135). The three mottoes follow, including "Live and Let Live" (p. 135).

Employers (p. 138). The executive who wrote Chapter 10 says that in only a few instances has an employer shown "a lack of patience and tolerance" toward alcoholics, and "we, who have imposed on the best of employers, can scarcely blame them" (p. 138).

The early meetings (p. 160). Chapter 11 says what won the newcomer over at the house where the weekly meeting was held included "the absence of intolerance of any kind" (p. 160).

Appendix II (p. 568). The alcoholic who doesn't close his mind to all spiritual concepts can recover: "He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial." (p. 568). This appendix was written after the first printing (p. 567) and has been in the book since the second edition (1955; Preface, p. xi).

What the uses have in common

  • Toward other people, not toward one's own defects. In none of these passages is tolerance turned on the reader's own resentment or dishonesty. The same paragraph that gives the code asks God to remove selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear (p. 84).
  • Seeing the other as sick. The reason given for tolerance is that the other person is sick, as we were (pp. 66–67, 70). The book applies the same reasoning when it asks families to treat the recovering man as "still convalescing" (p. 127).
  • Asked of God. When the writers seek tolerance for themselves, they ask God for it (pp. 67, 83), and speak of having "begun to learn" it (p. 70).
  • Not crawling. On the same page as the family amends, the book says "We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping." (p. 83)

A 1946 use, in the Traditions essays

Bill W.'s 1946 Grapevine piece on membership describes groups that made rules to throw out troublesome members and found that enforcing them generated "waves of dissension and intolerance" worse than anything the troublemakers did (P-17, "Who Is a Member of Alcoholics Anonymous?," 1946). Those members, it says, "oblige us to cultivate patience, tolerance, and humility." (P-17, "Who Is a Member of Alcoholics Anonymous?," 1946). This is about A.A. groups and membership, the background to the Third Tradition. See: Can anyone be thrown out of A.A.?

Read it yourself

Sources

Source Pages Date
Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapters 2, 4–11 19–20, 50, 66–70, 83–84, 102–103, 118–120, 122, 125, 127, 135, 138, 160 1939
Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II; Preface 567–568; xi appendix in the book since the second edition, 1955
P-17, "Who Is a Member of Alcoholics Anonymous?" (Bill W.) — 1946

Page numbers are from the fourth edition (2001).

Recovery Starts is independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. Quotations are brief and cited; the Big Book is © A.A. World Services, Inc. P-17's articles are © AA Grapevine, Inc.

These pages answer questions about A.A. from A.A.'s own published literature, read in full, with every quote checked word for word against the page it cites. Recovery Starts is independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. What we read, and when each source was written.