Should I give a newcomer money or a place to stay?
In short:
- The Big Book says you may: if he's broke and homeless, help him find a job, give him "a little financial assistance," or take him into your home "for a few days" (p. 96).
- It sets limits. Don't take money your family or creditors should have, make sure your family will welcome him, and make sure he isn't using you for money or shelter, because then "you only harm him" (p. 96). Members seldom let an alcoholic live with them for long (p. 97).
- Money and shelter aren't the cure. Men who demand them "before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track" (p. 98). The question is "when and how to give" (p. 98).
- There's no yes-or-no rule in the text. It leaves this to judgment, and tells you to make sure you're doing the right thing before you take it on (p. 97).
What Chapter 7 says, in order (pp. 95–98)
- If all he wants is money or nursing. If he expects you to act only as "a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees," you may have to drop him until he changes his mind (p. 95).
- If he's sincere and in need. "He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance" (p. 96). Not at your family's or creditors' expense (p. 96).
- Taking him in. "Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use discretion" (p. 96). Be certain your family welcomes him and that he isn't trying to impose on you "for money, connections, or shelter" (p. 96). If you allow that, you make it possible for him to be insincere, and "You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery" (p. 97).
- Don't dodge it, either. "Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you are doing the right thing if you assume them" (p. 97). The work "may mean sharing your money and your home" (p. 97).
- Not for long. "We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time" (p. 97). It isn't good for him, and it can cause serious trouble in a family (p. 97).
- Why it isn't the main thing. For the alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, "little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is needed or wanted" (pp. 97–98). Members still go to great lengths to provide each other these things "when such action is warranted" (p. 98). The minute the work becomes a service of handouts, the alcoholic starts relying on the helpers instead of on God (p. 98). "Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone" (p. 98).
What the first members did
Chapter 11 says the early Akron members "shared their homes, their slender resources," and were willing day or night to put a new man in hospital and visit him (p. 159). In 1939, "lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified" was an everyday thing (p. 161).
Bill W. wrote in 1946 that in A.A.'s first years there were no group funds: "If an individual A.A. wished to grubstake a fellow alcoholic, he did so. It was purely his own affair" (P-17).
Later, in A.A. Comes of Age (1957), Bill described how it went when he and his wife Lois filled their Brooklyn house with alcoholics, starting in the fall of 1935. Sometimes as many as five lived there at once, and all might be drunk at the same time. Of the people they housed, Bill says, "we did not sober up a single one" (Comes of Age, 1957). In Akron, he says, the same kind of care in the houses of Dr. Bob and another member "fared better" (Comes of Age, 1957). The Big Book's cautions on pages 96–98 read like the lessons of both.
Read it yourself
- Chapter 7, "Working With Others" (pp. 89–103), free from A.A.: https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt7.pdf
- Chapter 11, A Vision for You (pp. 151–164): https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt11.pdf
- A.A. Tradition—How It Developed (P-17), with Bill W.'s 1946 essay "Money": https://www.aa.org/aa-tradition-how-it-developed
- A.A. Comes of Age is sold by A.A. World Services: https://onlineliterature.aa.org
- Related: What does Step 12 really say? · What if the person I'm helping doesn't want it?
Sources
| Source | Pages | Date |
|---|---|---|
| Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 7, "Working With Others" | 95–98 | 1939 |
| Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 11, "A Vision for You" | 159, 161 | 1939 |
| Bill W., "Money," in P-17 | P-17 p. 27 | Grapevine, 1946 |
| A.A. Comes of Age, Part I (the Clinton Street years) | our copy is a scan without reliable printed page numbers | 1957 (Bill W.'s account of the years from 1935) |
Big Book page numbers are from the fourth edition (2001). The Preface says the program chapters have been "left largely untouched" since 1939 (p. xi), but our sources have no first edition to compare page numbers against.
Recovery Starts is independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. Quotations are brief and cited. The Big Book and A.A. Comes of Age are © A.A. World Services, Inc.; P-17's articles are © AA Grapevine, Inc.
These pages answer questions about A.A. from A.A.'s own published literature, read in full, with every quote checked word for word against the page it cites. Recovery Starts is independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. What we read, and when each source was written.