What does "the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it" refer to?
In short:
- The lines are on page 83 of the Big Book, in Chapter 6, "Into Action," in the part about making amends at home to the wife and family (pp. 82–83).
- Just before them, the book tells the recovering man to sit down with his family, look honestly at the past without criticizing them, and ask each morning to be shown "the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love" (p. 83).
- Just after, it says not to push spiritual principles on the family or talk to them constantly about spiritual matters: "Our behavior will convince them more than our words." (p. 83)
- So the context confirms the usual reading, that the spiritual life is something you do and not only something you believe, and makes it specific. In its place, "live it" means at home, through how you treat your family, instead of preaching to them.
The passage around it
The amends section of Chapter 6 deals with creditors, enemies, legal trouble and infidelity, and then turns to the home: "If we have no such complication, there is plenty we should do at home." (p. 82)
The book answers the man who thinks staying sober is enough. He must stay sober, "for there will be no home if he doesn't" (p. 82), but he's still a long way from making good to the people he treated so badly. "The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others." (p. 82) A man who says sobriety is enough is like the farmer who comes up from his storm cellar, finds his home in ruins, and remarks to his wife that it's grand the wind has stopped (p. 82).
Then page 83, in order: 1. Reconstruction. "Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead." (p. 83) "We must take the lead." (p. 83) A remorseful mumble that we're sorry "won't fill the bill at all" (p. 83). 2. The family talk. Sit down with the family and frankly look at the past as we now see it, "being very careful not to criticize them" (p. 83). Their defects may be glaring, but our actions are likely partly responsible (p. 83). 3. The morning prayer. "So we clean house with the family," asking each morning in meditation for patience, tolerance, kindliness and love (p. 83). 4. The line. "The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it." (p. 83) 5. Don't preach. Unless the family wants to live on spiritual principles, "we think we ought not to urge them" (p. 83). Don't talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. "They will change in time." (p. 83) Behaviour convinces more than words, and "ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone" (p. 83).
The paragraph after that covers wrongs that can never be fully righted (p. 83), and then come the Promises (pp. 83–84).
The same point in Chapter 9
Chapter 9, "The Family Afterward," gives the other side of it. A father who has a sudden spiritual experience may become a religious enthusiast who talks about spiritual matters "morning, noon and night" (p. 128) and tells his family to find God in a hurry. The book's answer is that "a spiritual life which does not include his family obligations may not be so perfect after all" (p. 129). The writers say they believe God would like them to keep their heads in the clouds with Him, "but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth" (p. 130). "We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness." (p. 130)
Chapter 9 is gentle with this father, though, and its advice here is mostly to the family. If they cooperate he will soon see that his spiritual growth is lopsided (p. 129). Meanwhile they "should let him have his head" (p. 129), and the book judges him on a firmer foundation than the man who puts business or professional success "ahead of spiritual development" (p. 130).
Does the context change the reading?
It confirms it and narrows it. Quoted alone, the line works as a general saying about practice over belief, and the book would agree with that. In its place it has a particular target: the man who thinks sobriety is enough at home, or who talks about his new spiritual life instead of changing how he treats his family. Living it, there, means patience and kindness at home, and leaving the family free.
Read it yourself
- Chapter 6, "Into Action" (pp. 72–88), free from A.A.: https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt6.pdf
- Chapter 9, "The Family Afterward" (pp. 122–135): https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt9.pdf
- Related: How does the Big Book say to make amends? · Where are "the Promises," and what do they promise? · What does the Big Book say about helping the drinker's family?
- The full book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is sold by A.A. World Services at https://onlineliterature.aa.org.
Sources
| Source | Pages | First published |
|---|---|---|
| Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 6, "Into Action" | 82–84 | 1939 |
| Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 9, "The Family Afterward" | 128–130 | 1939 |
Page numbers are from the fourth edition (2001). The Preface says the program chapters have been "left largely untouched" since 1939 (p. xi).
Recovery Starts is independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. Quotations are brief and cited; the Big Book is © A.A. World Services, Inc.
These pages answer questions about A.A. from A.A.'s own published literature, read in full, with every quote checked word for word against the page it cites. Recovery Starts is independent and not affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. What we read, and when each source was written.